My LinkedIn inbox is chiming with activity.
Maybe it’s because it’s spring. Students are graduating soon and figuring out what’s next. Job seekers are coming out of winter hibernation and looking for greener pastures. Everyone wants to connect.
Inevitably, someone I’ve just met will ask me to refer them to a job. No getting to know me. No coffee chat. Just a referral request.
So let’s get this out of the way: No, I’m not referring you and this is why.
I wrote that article last spring (there must be something about this season!) and I explained what you should do instead. In truth, I would love to support your career, but only if you treat me like a human. That means I’d like you to honor that I have feelings and want to connect meaningfully.
How to turn a coffee chat into a long-term relationship that supports your career
To illustrate how long-term relationships always win over short-term transactions, let me tell you about Miranda. We didn’t know it in 2016, but Miranda and I would support each other’s professional journeys for 7 years (and counting!).
While every relationship will begin and develop in unique ways, I hope the sample interactions below will inspire you to be yourself and aim for true connection from the get-go. It’s so much more fulfilling to have a friend than a LinkedIn follower. Plus, you’ll likely be surprised by all the different ways your career will be supported!
Welcoming introductions
One of the best ways to build your network is to welcome introductions (and when you can, offer introductions too). A mutual friend initially introduced me and Miranda over email because she thought we’d connect over topics of finding “meaningful direction in life, things getting in the way, the struggles of parental expectation, [and coming from a] Chinese background.”
At that point, I was a life coach and ran a monthly social impact learning and support group in Vancouver. I wanted to give Miranda options for how she wanted to engage with me so I invited her to both my monthly group and a coffee chat.
Sharing a coffee chat invitation
Let’s take a closer look at this section:
“About directions in life and coming from a Chinese background — it’s one of my all time favourite topics! Want to grab a coffee/tea or hop on a phone call to chat more? If after our conversation you’d like to try out coaching, I’d be glad to offer a free session, or I’d be happy to direct you to resources in the community. Either way, it’d be nice to get to know each other! Feel free to suggest some date/times. I’m in Vancouver. Hope to meet you in person soon!”
Notes:
- I used a friendly tone of voice, like I actually wanted to meet Miranda, because I did!
- I gave options for the 1:1 meeting: coffee, tea, or phone call.
- I didn’t focus on selling Miranda my coaching services. Instead, my main goal was to offer Miranda support.
- I allowed Miranda to decide how she wanted to engage and when.
Coordinating our schedules for the coffee chat
Life happens! It can take some time to coordinate a meeting and that’s normal. Miranda messaged me after 12 days. If someone you’re communicating with hasn’t replied in two weeks, it’s okay to politely follow up by reiterating your interest to meet.
Meeting up and following up after the coffee chat
I remember finally meeting Miranda for a tea and donut on Main Street in Vancouver. Like a blind date, it can be awkward if you make it awkward. To make the coffee chat as natural as possible, ask open questions, listen lots, and speak from a place of honesty. Also, be genuinely curious about the other person.
I left learning about Miranda’s interest in fashion and writing, and we bonded over the experience of being Chinese Canadian women. Building on what we discussed, this is what happened in the two weeks:
- I introduced Miranda to someone I knew who was working on a fashion project.
- Miranda booked a sample coaching session with me.
And this is what happened in the next year:
- Miranda attended one of the social impact networking events that I hosted.
- I supported Miranda through two coaching sessions, and through those interactions, I learned about Miranda’s desire to sew more and explore some clothing design ideas.
Transitioning into career supporters and friends
We kept up with each others’ lives by staying in touch on social media over the years. I watched Miranda go from globetrotting to raising two daughters. She watched me transition from life in Vancouver to life in Nanaimo.
During the pandemic, Miranda decided to pursue her long-time dream of starting a fashion line for short women. As a fellow shorty who’s known about her dream for a while, I couldn’t be more thrilled for her! I immediately volunteered to be a fit model and recruited a group of my short friends to also volunteer.
Also during the pandemic, I published a self-care activity book and Miranda was one of the first to make a purchase. As I revealed more of my interest in writing, Miranda reassured me that I had sufficient skills and that my stories were worth sharing with the world.
As fellow business owners, I can always rely on Miranda for empathy, advice, and yes, even referrals. But we got here over time, not in one LinkedIn exchange. Perhaps the funniest thing is that we weren’t even connected on LinkedIn until a month ago!
Enjoy your coffee chat and all that follows
At the end of the day, we support the people we care about. So whether you initially meet someone over a coffee chat or in some other way, stay in touch and form a caring relationship. When you know someone long enough, there will be times when you can lift them up, or you can use a lift yourself.
After knowing Miranda for 7 years now, I’m so happy to celebrate with her on the launch of Shortlisted, an ethical and inclusive clothing brand for short women (XS to 3X)! Follow her journey on Instagram @shortlistedco where she gives an honest, behind-the-scenes take on what it’s like to build a fashion line from scratch. I for one can’t wait to wear pants that fit me properly (and with pockets too)!
Did you like the outfit in the feature photo?
The models are wearing the Unstoppable JumpSet from Shortlisted! To get your hands on the versatile jumpset made from sustainable fabric, head over to Shortlisted now.
I hope this real life story of support gives you motivation to network like you’re human.
Crystal Lee, MPH, CPCC is a holistic career coach who helps mid-career professionals transform their work and life with clarity, confidence, and kindness. Let her know if you have a career question and join her newsletter to get the answer!
Stay in the know
Join my newsletter to get career resources, inspiration, and updates!